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Dating Violence

Statistics

Teen Dating Statistics
  • About one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.
  • Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
  • In one study, from 30 to 50 percent of female high school students reported having already experienced teen dating violence.
  • Teen dating violence most often takes place in the home of one of the partners.
  • In 1995, 7 percent of all murder victims were young women who were killed by their boyfriends.
  • One in five or 20 percent of dating couples report some type of violence in their relationship.
  • One of five college females will experience some form of dating violence.
  • A survey of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, found that 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship and all participants had experienced violence in a dating relationship.
  • One study found that 38 percent of date rape victims were young women from 14 to 17 years of age.
  • A survey of adolescent and college students revealed that date rape accounted for 67 percent of sexual assaults.
  • More than half young women raped (68 percent) knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or casual acquaintance.
  • Six out of 10 rapes of young women occur in their own home or a friend or relative’s home, not in a dark alley.
  • More than 4 in every 10 incidents of domestic violence involves non-married persons (Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000).                                                                            

What about my Friend?

How Do I Know If My Friend Is Being Abused?

  • Have you seen evidence of injuries?
  • Have you accepted their explanations for her black eyes, bruises or broken bones?
  • Do they miss work frequently?
  • Does the partner show an unusual amount of control over their life?
  • Have you noticed changes in them or their children’s behavior?

If you know someone who is being abused, you can help them by showing you care. Let them speak confidentially about their situation without judging. You may be the only person with whom the victim feels comfortable. Show you care in these ways:

  • Listen to them
  • Believe them
  • Do not minimize their struggle
  • Do not judge them
  • Do not blame them
  • Assure them that they are not responsible for the abuse
  • Tell them it’s not their fault. You can never make someone else hurt you
  • Give them Kansas’ toll-free crisis line number for domestic violence victims
  • Let them keep important papers and extra clothes at your house
  • Help when you can with transportation, child care, groceries
  • Tell them they deserve to be safe. Physical violence in a relationship is never acceptable. Remind them that no one deserves to be beaten.
  • Help them learn not to deny or minimize the abuse. If they say, “It’s really not that bad,” state to them how serious it really is.
  • Assure them that violence in the home does concern you. There is no excuse for abuse. No one deserves to be abused. Domestic violence is a crime.

Be patient. It takes time to bring about change. There are many barriers. Victims have many decisions to make to bring about change in their lives.

"Teenagers can choose better relationships when they learn to identify the early warning signs of an abusive relationship, understand that they have choices, and believe they are valuable people who deserve to be treated with respect."

Warning Signs

Extreme jealousy
  • Controlling behavior
  • Quick involvement
  • Unpredictable mood swings
  • Alcohol and drug use
  • Explosive anger
  • Isolates you from friends and family
  • Uses force during an argument
  • Shows hypersensitivity
  • Believes in rigid sex roles
  • Blames others for his problems or feelings
  • Cruel to animals or children
  • Verbally abusive
  • Abused former partners
  • Threatens violence

Common clues that indicate a teenager may be experiencing dating violence:

  • Physical signs of injury
  • Truancy, dropping out of school
  • Failing grades
  • Indecision
  • Changes in mood or personality
  • Use of drugs/alcohol
  • Pregnancy
  • Emotional outburst
  • Isolation

From the Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence newsletter, Winter 1999

Dating Safety


  • Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person.
  • Before leaving on a date, know the exact plans for the evening and make sure a parent or friend knows these plans and what time to expect you home. Let your date know that you are expected to call or tell that person when you get in.
  • Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
  • If you leave a party with someone you do not know well, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom.
  • Ask a friend to call and make sure you arrived home safely.
  • Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.
  • Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation.

From the Domestic Violence Advocacy Program of Family Resources, Inc

Options Domestic and Sexual Violence Services
403 E. 23rd Street
PO Box 284 
Hays, KS  67601

1-785-625-3055
1-800-794-4624

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